The Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia delivers this meme-friendly one-liner in the seventh episode of the hit Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. But she departs from this well-worn model in her attention to one extra characteristic: caste. This silent shadow hangs over every luxurious living room she leads viewers into. She lumps an entire social system, which assigns people to a fixed place in a hierarchy from birth, together with anodyne physical preferences. This prejudiced treatment includes, but is hardly limited to, workplace discrimination in the United States. For example, the state of California sued the tech company Cisco in June for allegedly failing to protect a Dalit employee from discrimination by his higher-caste Brahmin managers. When a popular show like Indian Matchmaking neglects this alarming fact of the Indian American experience, it quietly normalizes caste for a global audience.
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Unlike platforms like Match. These sites allow individuals and family members to submit a profile in the search for a spouse, replicating online the traditional role of family in matchmaking. Among the information people fill out on the site is a direct question about whether they are willing to enter into an intercaste marriage. For centuries, Indian marriages have been considered a union of two families, initiated by parents of the bride and groom. In a typical setting, the arranged marriages are formed based on caste social status based on birth or heredity, often associated with notions of purity , education, affluence, horoscope and other physical characteristics.
The result has been a society that creates static social classes, resulting in perpetually disadvantaged groups that not only are denied dignity and self-respect but resources, jobs and education. Governmental incentives and societal movements have attempted to counter caste attitudes but most research to date has suggested that there has been little change in attitude and practice. Previous research has found some openness from those of an older age, with different signals about the effects of increased education, living in a rural area, having an employed mother and being a member of a lower caste.
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The first season of the show has missed presenting an all-round and inclusive picture of the Indian reality. That Indian Matchmaking has upset people across the spectrum is slightly baffling given we are a culture obsessed with arranged marriages. Newspapers embellished with matrimonial adverts — ridiculous and regressive in equal measure — are perhaps the oldest testimonies to our fixation with this robust institution.
With Indian Matchmaking , this well-preserved secret is out for Western edification and that is perhaps the reason for our collective outrage against the show. The merits and demerits of this criticism levelled against the show can be emphatically argued when placed within the cultural context our society. Zara and I are far removed when it comes to our religion. I am a Hindu and she a Muslim. It is then a little unsettling that, knowingly or unknowingly, we are turning into a culture that is systematically working towards homogenising collective experiences often at the cost of a particular community.
The Indian Muslim is either cast as an insider crusading against or paying the price of the transgressions of fellow brethren Mulk, My Name is Khan, Kedarnath or an out and out threat to the very idea of India Padmaavat, Tanhaji, Mission Kashmir, Fiza who needs to be eliminated at all costs. The everyday regular Muslim, unlike you and I who are not necessitated to wear our religious identity on our sleeves, continues to be conspicuously absent on screen.
This glaring absence sits well with the virtual obliteration of Muslim voices from the collective imagination, being acted out with a renewed vigour in recent times.
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